Monday, June 6, 2011

The "M" Story

This is going to be long. But anyways...

The whole family was gathered in the house yesterday. And the huge topic being talked about was the big 'M'... Yes, Marriage. *dropfaints*

I confess. I have been avoiding the subject all these while. In fact, I totally found it useless to talk about  previously. I don't know. Maybe I wasn't emotionally ready for it. Maybe I was sceptical that no one, or man for that matter, will be able to take care of me the way my parents have took care of me. Maybe, it wasn't written in my destiny yet. Or my time was just not right. And above all, maybe Allah didn't want me to get married just yet.

And then, there's also the "eldest daughter is like the eldest son" syndrome. I saw my grandma falling ill. I saw how difficult it is for my dad and his brothers to pool in the money to tide over my grandma's illness. And then, I reflected on my family. My parents has got no son. If I get married, who will take care of them? Will my husband be supportive enuff to let me take care of my parents? Coz only I know how they have sacrified everthing they had to make me look what I am today. I wasn't born with a pretty-moulded face ok?

Then I grew older and a little tad wiser. I know all these will be arranged. Allah has arranged everything. Everything's gonna be fine. And then, my expectations of a husband grew higher. Not only am I looking for a man who could take care of me, but I needed someone who would be the calming factor in my life. We know what and who I am. Stubborn, bull-headed, live my own way kind of a person. Is there ever going to be someone out there who will be able to hold me by my horns and tame me? Someone who would be my Matador? Million dollar question.

So the family chat we had... Everyone had a gala time telling or rather, pointing out my flaws and weaknesses and what not to do when that 'someone' finally appears. I admit, I'm not an angel. 33 years of living my own way of life and being an independent-do all by myself person, I ought to be entitled to a little bad traits, yes? Hehe!!

I know I'm not perfect. I don't cook much. I don't clean much. And I hate talking on the phone for long lovey-dovey conversations. I hate flowers. I hate doing the same things all over again. Yeah, that's me. The perfect unperfect candidate for an instituition named 'Marriage'...

So now, something big is approaching. And I'm not going to beat about the bush, and I confess, I'm ready. To face it, to walk it, to do it. I'm ready to be bent and to be calmed down. I'm ready for someone to eyeball me when I do something wrong. And above all, I'm ready to bring in another person to walk my life. I'm ready.

It's going to be a tough journey, no doubt. I have lots of tweaking to do. A lot of trial and error. A lot of "keep my mouth shut to listen to other people's opionions" sessions. It is going to be a helluva 'test my patience, or the lack of it' journey. But yes, I'm ready to walk it. And smell the roses and get pricked by the torns along the way.

And no friends, I'm not yet getting married. But when the time comes, yes, I will shout over the rooftops and say that finally I'm getting married. But yes, the journey from now till marriage will be a tough one but I send du'a that whatever I do, I will make everyone happy and that no one will be displeased with me and that everything runs as smoothly as butter over bread. InshaAllah.

So in the meantime, make du'a for me my friends. While I go waiting for the day my Matador finally shows up asking my parents, "Can I ask for your daughter's hand for marriage?" And then, me and my Matador can dance a Paso Doble towards the sun for a 'live happily ever after' ending... InshaAllah...

*winks*

Ilal Liqaa'...!!