best day ever...

Tak kisah lah.

Korang nak meluat ke, nak muntah ke, nak cekik aku ke, pasal aku over sangat...

Ada aku kisah...?

Yang penting, Adi Putra kotakan janji dia, when he says he will follow his fans who follow him... He followed me starting today 19-1-2012. Even if he doesn't read my twits, yang penting, this notification is already on my profile.

Korang ada?

Hehehehe...!!!

Ilal liqaa'...!!

the heart melted today...

in quite a severe way, I would say.

all these years, while working with babies who were born with the same abnormility that I was born with, had made me immuned to the cries, the screams and the struggles whenever a drip is to be inserted into the little tiny hands or legs. i was always made the foster mother, the one who will carry the babies into the operation theatre, as the babies are quite silent when i carry them in. i dont know, maybe the emotional bonding. and also, the parents feel a bit secured seeing me there, carrrying their little souls and assuring them that i am there for the babies.

my arms will usually be the solace the babies could have when they are going through the painful experience of maybe having the gas over them or the needle into them. and all these years, i've managed to build a wall around my emotions so as not to cry or feel sorry for the baby at the crucial moment of incubating.

today a baby came in. i saw the parents and they were happy to see me. carried the baby in and assured the parents that all is going to be well. baby was sleeping all the way to the operation theatre. then she opened up her big eyes, and suddenly i got reminded of the nephew. same eyes, only different colour. and then the occasional smile... ah... lovely...

then the needle was inserted. baby cried, a harrowing cry. and suddenly, there was this huge urge in me to burst into tears also. there i was, trying to calm the baby down and at the same time, trying to keep my emotions in check. it was a DIFFICULT moment. i was only thinking about the nephew. same age, same hair, same eyes. not that i was hoping the nephew to go through such a thing, naudzubillah, but it was all that was running in the mind.

lucky thing baby slept fast enough. i had to walk out of the theatre for a while to calm my nerves. i guess having a baby in the house, just reignited the motherly instincts. it felt exactly like it felt 13 years ago when i first saw a baby being brought into the operation theatre.

the wall had crumble. i need to build up a new wall. i need to convince the heart and mind that this is work. this is what will make the babies lead a more beautiful life. i need to start being strong back again.

haisshhhh... dah lembut hati aku ni... baby nangis, aku pun nak nangis. hehehe...!!

ilal liqaa'...!!

i wanna spread my wings and fly...

and i think it's about time.

6 years ago, an opportunity was laid in front of me, like a bonus, like a 'durian runtuh' which I had to reluctantly say no to. it was the hardest no ever. on one end was loyalty, on one end was familiarity. i stuck to loyalty. and was hoping i wouldnt have to serve loyalty for long. but i did. for 13 years and counting.

it was a difficult 13 years. had to go through lots of pain, lots of tears, lots of headache, because i simply had no one to turn to. i had to answer everything alone. it was initially so difficult, i would be practically crying every day. the pillar of strength was gone. there was no one to hug me and say it's ok. and i was so missing the hug that i felt like a lovelorn Juliet.

soon, tough became me and i became tougher. i learnt to survive. i learnt how to accept words into my right ear and let them go out through my left and never let them get stucked in my heart. i think that made me a strong person. and i learnt it the hard way. and im glad.

i wouldnt regret these 13 years. because without these 13 years, i wouldnt be what i am today. i wouldnt have learnt so many things with the little paper qualifications that i'm holding. and i wouldnt have gained all the experiences that i've enjoyed. if these 13 years have been tough, then, in the future, nothing is tough for me InshaAllah...

now im ready to spread my wings and fly. Allah has arranged this whole transition so well. Everything seems to be falling into place. and I hope that this will be an exciting new chapter in my life, InshaAllah.

of course there'll be differences. of course there'll be personal adjustments. but nothing is without changes. changes have to be made to achieve a better tomorrow. and i will thread the road happily and gleefully, hand in hand, along with the pillars of strength. words just cant describe how i've longed for this change. and finally, it comes as a beautifully arranged story-line and i hope for a happily ever after ending.

thank you Allah. for giving me this phase in life. i make du'a that this is a smooth transition for me. and may everything be nice and dandy and finally i will finally feel that im settled in to the place i always wanted to belong in. InshaAllah...

Alhamdulillah.

Ilal Liqaa'...!

Tentang Dhia... Best Drama Series of 2011

You know, I dont usually go over the heels crazy over a Malay drama. And especially if it's episodic. I tend to lose interest after watching a few episodes.

But this drama made me its ardent fan. Not just because there's Adi Putra, who happens to be my favourite actor. But the whole thing, the actors, the characters, the storyline. All made up into a wonderful treat to watch.

What an amazing ending to a wonderful story. A marriage life marred with interferences of a scheming mother-in-law who goes to the extent of engaging a bomoh to spoil the relation between husband and wife. A love being tested with accusations of unfaithfulness. And a love that stands so strong that even death couldn't separate them.


I admit I cried my eyes out watching the last episode. It's the last final moment, just a few minutes before the credits roll out, it took me by surprise and I couldnt hold the tears anymore. Bravo. Even when I was watching Ombak Rindu, I didnt cry this much. Although Tentang Dhia and Ombak Rindu has lots of similarities.

Tentang Dhia. To me, the best drama of 2011. Wonderful acting. Engaging storyline. And a beautiful ending.

Enjoy the pictures and the clips.

I have the links to all the episodes. I think I will rewatch them a lot more times. There's magic in every scene.

I will miss Tentang Dhia now that it's over.

Ilal Liqaa...!

dreams are made of these...

the mornings i wake up from sleep were never as special as that day when i dreamt of you. seriously, i was cursing the alarm on my hp when it sounded. it was a really special dream. you were here, wearing yellow... and jeans... and smelling real nice... you were joking with me like always... and trying to make me angry... and i will eventually be angry, only for you to coax me till i smile... like you do always since the time first i knew you...it felt so real, i didnt want to wake up from sleep... haissss... when will that day be a reality, i wonder...

and then i dreamt of you telling me a date. i dont remember what that date was for. i heard it in a voice, presumably your voice, which i've never heard in real life... 22 May 2012. I checked the calendar, it's a Tuesday. What would that Tuesday bring to me, I wonder...

And in the end, I have to pull myself to the real world and think rationally. Those are dreams, dreams are playgrounds for emotions... I must have been thinking so much about you... Till I let you into my dreams... The more I try to pull myself away from all these, the more Im being sucked in. It's like quicksand. Pulling me in deeper and deeper.

And the question you asked me yesterday, it took me back by surprise a bit. But I hope the answer I gave made you a happy person. Like you always say, you want to make me always happy and smiling, I would like to be able to do the same to you.

Till then, my bodyguard. We'll see how this goes... Ashtaqo ilayka even if I talk to you everyday...

Ilal Liqaa'...!

Dust Is My Bed...

Dust is my bed, embraces me and it's my cover now

The sand surrounds me even behind my back
And the grave tells a dankness of my affliction
And the brightness draws a line

Where is my family's love? They sold my loyalty!
And where is my group of friends? They left my brotherhood!
Where is the bliss of money? It's behind my back now
And my name (reputation) where is it shine between praises
This is my end and this is my bed....

And love farewells its longing and my elegizing cried
And the tears went dry after crying
And the universe became narrow and so is my space
And the grave became my ground and sky
This is my end and this is my bed.....

Fear fills my estrangement and sadness is my illness
I expect firmness and I swear it's my cure
And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it

And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it.....

Nasheed Title: Farshy Al Turab (Dust Is My Bed)

Singer: Meshary Al Arada

For video: Click HERE

Lunar Eclipse 10 December 2011

Captured and editted by yours truly... Nearly 5 hours of staring at the moon via my videocamera and thanks to the 60x zoom, I managed to capture part of the eclipse before the moon went up too high and got hidden by the building... The miracle of Allah, Allahu Akbar... Enjoy the video...!



Ilal Liqaa'...!!


For the youtube link, click here