the heart melted today...

in quite a severe way, I would say.

all these years, while working with babies who were born with the same abnormility that I was born with, had made me immuned to the cries, the screams and the struggles whenever a drip is to be inserted into the little tiny hands or legs. i was always made the foster mother, the one who will carry the babies into the operation theatre, as the babies are quite silent when i carry them in. i dont know, maybe the emotional bonding. and also, the parents feel a bit secured seeing me there, carrrying their little souls and assuring them that i am there for the babies.

my arms will usually be the solace the babies could have when they are going through the painful experience of maybe having the gas over them or the needle into them. and all these years, i've managed to build a wall around my emotions so as not to cry or feel sorry for the baby at the crucial moment of incubating.

today a baby came in. i saw the parents and they were happy to see me. carried the baby in and assured the parents that all is going to be well. baby was sleeping all the way to the operation theatre. then she opened up her big eyes, and suddenly i got reminded of the nephew. same eyes, only different colour. and then the occasional smile... ah... lovely...

then the needle was inserted. baby cried, a harrowing cry. and suddenly, there was this huge urge in me to burst into tears also. there i was, trying to calm the baby down and at the same time, trying to keep my emotions in check. it was a DIFFICULT moment. i was only thinking about the nephew. same age, same hair, same eyes. not that i was hoping the nephew to go through such a thing, naudzubillah, but it was all that was running in the mind.

lucky thing baby slept fast enough. i had to walk out of the theatre for a while to calm my nerves. i guess having a baby in the house, just reignited the motherly instincts. it felt exactly like it felt 13 years ago when i first saw a baby being brought into the operation theatre.

the wall had crumble. i need to build up a new wall. i need to convince the heart and mind that this is work. this is what will make the babies lead a more beautiful life. i need to start being strong back again.

haisshhhh... dah lembut hati aku ni... baby nangis, aku pun nak nangis. hehehe...!!

ilal liqaa'...!!

Dust Is My Bed...

Dust is my bed, embraces me and it's my cover now

The sand surrounds me even behind my back
And the grave tells a dankness of my affliction
And the brightness draws a line

Where is my family's love? They sold my loyalty!
And where is my group of friends? They left my brotherhood!
Where is the bliss of money? It's behind my back now
And my name (reputation) where is it shine between praises
This is my end and this is my bed....

And love farewells its longing and my elegizing cried
And the tears went dry after crying
And the universe became narrow and so is my space
And the grave became my ground and sky
This is my end and this is my bed.....

Fear fills my estrangement and sadness is my illness
I expect firmness and I swear it's my cure
And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it

And for Allah I pray faithfully, you are my hope
Allah! I desire heaven, to find bliss in it.....

Nasheed Title: Farshy Al Turab (Dust Is My Bed)

Singer: Meshary Al Arada

For video: Click HERE

and suddenly, i'm an auntie...

or a Khala, to be exact. Alhamdulillah... What a beautiful feeling to be able to address myself as Khala finally, MashaAllah... I became a Khala officially to a nephew.

I know what I'm going to storytell here is not going to be as exciting as what my sister experienced first-hand, but for me it's exciting enough a journey. I love the way Allah has planned every and each day for us, Alhamdulillah...

I was declared not fit for work on Wednesday with URTI and the doctor gave me 2-days MC. Wednesday night, I received a phone-call from the brother-in-law saying that the sister has spotting and has fever. So after a phone-call to the hospital, we decided to 'check-in' the sister to the hospital. I was slightly groggy from the medicines, but I left everything to Allah, and told Dad that he has to follow us.

So the exciting journey started. I tried to play cool driving to the hospital. Nasheed songs playing from the audio player, I sang along in the hope it will kill the butterflies in the stomach. I admit, the-self-confessed-cool-cat was NERVOUS.

And the sister was getting contractions after contractions along the way. That made me more nervous. Tried my level best to keep calm and focused. What with the grogginess from the medicines and the nervousness of hearing the sister inhale-exhale in the back-seat, oh wow, what a wonderful cocktail. My only wish was to let my sister reach the hospital properly and deliver there. Tak nak lah kene berenti kat tepi jalan nak branak punyer pasal. Sekali tak pasal2, dari driver aku jadi mak bidan kang.

Alighted the sister, the brother-in-law and the mum at the lobby while me and Dad go find a parking lot. Serious, to find a parking lot in that situation took the life out of me. Parked car and called mum and mum directed us to where we should go. Waited a while and bro-in-law said it will be a long while before the sister finally gives birth. So we went home.

Thursday, no phone call from them. And when we tried calling them, their cellphones were off. The batteries died on them. Waited till noon, sent the youngest sister for her kindergarten graduation concert rehearsal, had lunch and we were on our way to the hospital. We were trying our luck, and mum was restless due to the no-news period.

On the way, the brother-in-law called and he said my sister has safely delivered their baby. Alhamdulillah. If I was allowed, I would have stopped by the road shoulder to do 'sujud syukur'.

Reached the hospital and the sister was all fine and a while later, the nephew was wheeled in. MashaAllah. And I cried. I know you all have this impression that Im a strong iron lady, but yes, I cry at anything. I cried when the brother-in-law did the azan and iqamah on the nephew. And while I was carrying the nephew, the brother-in-law gave him a taste of a little tamar (date) - and yes, I cried yet again. Haissss... Emotional fool, me.

But Alhamdulillah, everything has tide over beautifully. Dad, Mum, Baby are all back and resting at home. And suddenly my Dad has turned Nana, my Mum has turned Nani and me and my sister have turned into Khalas. Alhamdulillah.

I know this is not as exciting as what my sister is going to enact, but it was an exciting journey for me. And the little one is a darling. And he's my new little boyfriend. Khala loves you.

And I thank Allah for sending my brother-in-law for my sister. Subhanallah, I know you would say that it's his responsibility to take care of his wife, but the way he took care of my sister, I have no words to describe. Even Dad has sung his praises for the brother-in-law. Dad said, he reminded Dad of how he was when Mum gave birth to us three sisters.


And deep in me, I am hoping for a husband as caring and as supportive as he is. InshaAllah. And I can safely say, my brother-in-law and my sister will make fantabulous parents to their little prince(s) and princess(es), InshaAllah...

*the mood to tear is here. so I better stop. Hahaha!!*

Ilal Liqaa'...!!!

i will, one day, send presents to you...

another not so nice news reached my ears today. it made me angry. it made me flare up. it made me want to cry. it's just so dissapointing when i hear news like this. i mean, this is 2011, and i think some people are still living in 1991. where little matters can lead to hating each other's faces. where little matters means aku tak geng kau, kau tak geng aku. and where little matters can be blown up to big matters, and become a whole different story altogether.

im not saying i got proof that anyone has been talking behind my back or in a more aggressive manner, i would say, aku takde lah bukti yang membenarkan rasa hati ni yang dorang ada mengumpat pantat aku dan menjaja cerita yang tak benar. but it's a huge gut feeling in me. and yes, i can also say ni permainan syaitan nak menimbulkan syak wasangka dalam diri aku.

but please lah eh, small matters let it remain as small matters. benda kecik tak yah nak besar2kan, sampai nak berpaling muka sampai tak bertegur sapa. and if they dont know the real story, jangan ambil andaian yang apa yang dorang dengar tuh adalah benar.

aku hormat what we had and i've never, i REITERATE, never talk bad about dorang to anyone we know mutually. even when they ask, i'd shrug it off and say, "alah, takpelah. im fine this way." so i hope the same respect is given to me. whatever gathering they've had with people mutually, janganlah dijadikan gathering tu tempat mengumpat dan memfitnah. aku tak tuduh, aku ingatkan.

dan janganlah jadi manusia takde pedoman main lari2 and tarik2 muka dengan aku. kalau betul aku yang salah, aku yang patot lari. aku yang patot sembunyikkan muka aku. but no. i don't run and i will not run. im still here and if i get a salam from them, i'll gladly return that salam.

pada yang tak tau criter, tolong dengar dari dua pihak sebelum buat keputusan. but in any case, my lips are sealed. aku tak suka nak burukkan orang. aku tak nak makan daging mayat saudaranya. seperti Firman Allah swt: "Dan janganlah kamu mengumpat sesama kamu, adakah seseorang dikalangan kamu suka makan daging mayat saudaranya; tentulah kamu bencinya." (12: Al-Hujjurat).

tapi aku redha. adalah dosa aku yang belum aku taubatkan. im not perfect, and i will never be. aku tak macam dorang, the 'epitomes of righteousness'. and Dad also says, kalau kita naik angin, samalah kita dengan dorang.

dan aku tau, byk pahala aku boleh 'claim' dari dorang if they all continue hobby mengumpat ni. and oh, that reminds me, don't be surprised if suddenly they all find presents at their doorsteps one day, coz the presents will be from me. a way of saying thank you for giving away their pahala to me. terima kasih banyak-banyak.

sekian.

siapa yang makan cili dia yang rasa pedas.

tapi siapa yang tak makan cili, jangan nak mengada-ngada eksen terkena pedas eh.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Ilal Liqaa...'!

aku terima nikahnya...

read this on a cuzzie's FB status... i love it so much... so here it is...

"Aku terima nikah si dia binti si ayah dia dengan mas kahwinnya $... tunai..."

Bunyi macam senang?

Nah ini erti sebenar dia :

“Aku tanggung dosa-dosa si dia dari ibu bapanya, apa saja dosa yang dia buat, dari dedah aurat hingga ke tinggalnya solat, aku tanggung dan bukan lagi ibu bapanya tanggung, dan aku tanggung semua dosa bakal anak-anak aku. Kalau gagal, maka aku fasik, dayus & aku rela masuk neraka dan malaikat Zabaniyah melibas aku hingga pecah badan aku!”

Subhanallah...

I am reminding myself, before reminding you...

Ilal liqaa...'!

Ramadhan leaving us...

hey kawan-kawans...

pe kabar?

ada baik?

ada sihat?

i'm fine Alhamdulillah... kocek je sakit teramat sangat... ouch... hahaha...!!

anyway, it's the last week of Ramadhan... i feel that time is really zooming at an alarming rate... i felt that it was only yesterday that we started fasting and it's nearing the end already... and it's sadder for me that I cannot fast in these last days of Ramadhan... time ni orang berebut-rebut nak kejar amalan malam, and here I am, with a 'good-friend' visiting... haish... but InshaAllah, I hope Im still able to kejar the last 3 days...

With the masjid still not up, Tarawih is still done at home. Alhamdulillah for a daddy who knows how to lead his wife and children in a solat jama'ah... If not for the frequent reminders by daddy for us to do Isha' and tarawih together, I think I will be a lazy bum. And it's not good to be a lazy bum in this blessed month... Like a saying I heard, "Ramadhan is the month where you can see what type of person you are and can be without the whispers of Shaitan." And if I'm still a lazy bum in Ramadhan, that means I've always been a lazy bum and I can't blame Shaitan for whispering sweet nothings to me in other months.

So how's Eid preparations? I'm quite done actually. Done half of the shopping in JB this year. The house is looking like a junkyard at the moment because of all the new things we have bought. And the cookies, oh goodness, I really have got no space for that. The kitchen cabinet is screaming for help already I think.

The only thing I havent' done is the zakat for the little kiddos. Need mum's help to queue in the bank to get small notes. And I havent' finished clearing my room. And my pc has gone kaput, like finally. After several times dying and being brought back to life, it finally breathes its last. So goodbye dear PC, you were a darling while you were alive.

Alhamdulillah, this year, I feel really blessed coz while I can cry over some lost moments, Allah has replaced the moments with better ones. So, why do I need to cry? Allah takes away some things in life, only to replace 'em with better things. So say Alhamdulillah.

I'll stop for now. I will write again nearing Eid to wish you all officially. Hehehe... In the meantime, grab the chance to tune up our deeds in these last few days of Ramadhan. Coz we'll never know whether we'll meet Ramadhan again next year.

Till my next write, Ilal Liqaa'...!

Kisah si Makcik yang menghina Islam...

skrg ni tengah kecoh kan pasal si makcik sitt al-wuzara yang sedap hati dia je menghina Islam dengan gambar2 dia yang siap diADOBE PHOTOSHOPkan... ada page kat facebook lagik, dicategorykan sebagai public figure.

i was shocked and angry upon seeing the photos and the captions. nak baca pun segan, macam kita pulak yang memberi suara kepada captions dia tuh... i didnt have the heart to view all. i just went to the end of the page, and click on 'report this page'... i hope you people do the same...

We can get angry and comment all the swear words on her page. but no, don't do that. Just think of how Rasulullah PBUH would handle this if this happened during his time. Dia akan mengangkat tangan dan berdoa that this person be given hidayah and the chance to repent for all the wrongdoings she has done. Truthfully like my dear friend said, sapa kita untuk menghukum dia? Biarkan dia jawab soalan dia sendiri.

And I have a feeling, the more we kutuk her, the more she will retaliate and post up more biadap pictures. Astaghfirullahal azim... And I also have a tingling feeling that she's not even a makcik. Pandai betul makcik main photoshop. Aku sendiri tak pandai2 ngan photoshop. but maybe dia makcik modern lah. talent that goes to waste, ni lah dia...

If she's a Muslim: She must have had tests by Allah and upon not being able to handle them, got angry and with syaitan playing it's part, she becomes like this...

If she's a Kafir: She just wants to create anger among us Muslims. Kadang2, orang kafir ni lagik pandai dalam bidang agama Islam berbanding dengan orang Islam tu sendiri. Cuma dorang tak nak beriman je kepada Allah... They know dosa and pahala. They know how to ignite anger in us. And without knowing, in the quest to defend Allah and Rasul, we might fall into their trap while they succeed in getting the anger out of us. They will never want to stop trapping Muslims to do sins without knowing.

Or, she's just thirsty for cheap publicity or just wants to be famous the easy way. Nak senang kat dunia, hah jawablah kau kat akhirat nanti.

So we don't angry, just report the page. And sama2 kita doakan dia kembali ke pangkal jalan dan bertaubat sebelum terlambat.

Just my views... I may have used the wrong words and may not be the best writer... But I hope I got my points across. I apologize for any mistakes.

Shukran!

not this world, something more...

i'm humbled by this speech...

in part 2, the sentence at 00:31 really hits home... humbled, truly humbled...

ilal liqaa...!

a reminder we'll end up in there one day...

a reminder we'll end up in there one day...

And fear the Day when you will be returned to Allah. Then everyone will be paid in full for whatever he has done and they will not be wronged. [Qur'an 2:281]








ilal liqaa...!

sayang orang jangan melampao, tak tau bila dia bole jadik kebencian kita...

learnt this a long time ago. that's why im quite guarded in giving all ma love to anyone. say im weird, oh yes, im weird.

just saw a bugger's status in fb. penuh dengan maki2an. batal posa aku membaca-nya. then you all will say, "kau pun ngumpat per!" tapi korang tak tau sapa dia kan? and i wont tell too! my lips are sewn together, literally, AND i have scars on my lip to prove that! mwahahahahaha!!!

dia maki2an kan matair, eh salah, ex-matair dia. come on lah. isnt this the person u used to love? the one whom you kept praising "you're my life, no one is comparable to you and God must have been so kind to send me you" and those bullshit. and the amount of 'meleseh' photos you uploaded in your albums. i nearly puked at some, not because i'm jealous, but becoz you said, you wanted a partner who is a wanita muslimah sejati. yah, like real.

now dah break, makin sakit mata aku. i really want to kick you out of my fb, but susat lah kan, you are family. nanti ditanya pulak, "asal tendang aku?" i dowan to lie lah eh. i would have to tell you the truth then. but then, nanti perang mahabharat macamana? nanti sapa yang salah? AKU JUGAK....

that's why i say, no need to love anyone sampai jiwa dan raga diserahkan demi sayang yang tak terhingga kat anyone. even orang dah kawin pun bole cerai, so tak yah nak act lah kalao diri tu dah ada matair. nari sayang, love, mohabbat, pyar, wo ai ni... Besok break, mcm the end of the world.

maybe this is the reason why im still not attached. aku takot dok nak sayang kat sapa2. aku ni kat luar je mcm durian, kat dlm mcm kapas. besok2 dia break my heart, macam mana? wait i break his head how? sapa susah? AKU JUGAK....

no lah, jokes aside. i know we all have love in us. i love a lot of people too. but janganlah melampao-lampao sayang kat orang sampai bila dah tak sayang lagik, jadik mcm orang giler takde agama. renung-renungkanlah ehk?

criter ini takde kene mengena dengan yang idop ataupun yang mati. cuma ada kene-mengena dengan maknusia sekor yang baru putus cintan tu je.

and i really hope dia baca blog aku ni. or better still, pm him/her with this link. mwahahahaha...!!!

ilal liqaa'

menjelang pertengahan ramadhan blog...

salam friends!!

long time no see hor... bz bz... and no mood to blog too... hahaha...! but no worries, im back! *round of applause*

how have you been? good? how has Ramadhan been for you? Alhamdulillah, it has been good to me. my resolution this Ramadhan is not to miss terawih purposely... so far, Alhamdulillah, i have been keeping at it. i hope i continue with it. you knowlah, kadang2 when nak dekat2 raya, keje makin byk, makin penat, and makin tak terlarat nak terawih. hik hik hik. but it's all in the mind lah. antara nak dengan tak nak je. Bulan Ramadhan ni, katanya syaitan dan djin kene ikat. tapi setan kat dlm badan ni yang tak terikat. alah, tak paham jugak? nafsu lah. malas, penat, alasan2 ni sumer nafsu kita lah. nafsu tu adik bradik syaitan lah kan....

i wont deny saying that i wasnt tested in the course of fulfilling my duties in Ramadhan. yes, i was tested, BIG TIME. my mind was so messed up in the 1st few days of Ramadhan. i may look cheerful all the time, but in me, only I know what was going on. but i know, Allah test us to wash us off our sins. and nothing is too hard on us, coz no soul is tested beyond his/her capability. but Alhamdulillah, I'm surrounded by a lot of friends and family members. They were the ones who gave me the strength to go on and remind me of Allah's greatness. slowly but surely, my problems were settled, Alhamdulillah. Thank You, Allah. and thank you, friends.

persiapan menyambut Syawal amacamz? mine was quite hectic. i had a lot of things to settle before really starting my syawal preparations. mostly for the car lah - car insurance, road tax renewal and car inspection. and all these involves lots of $$$ flying away mwahahahaha...!!! but anyways, i've settled that. so, Alhamdulillah.

i managed to get my 1st day baju raya from OVA. i love my baju actually. lain dari yang lain lah. almaklum, aku manalah berkenan baju kurung/baju kebaya. mum had to custom-make hers, and again, alhamdulillah, they still take special order from me even though they have actually closed orders. and my baju had to be altered coz it's a little singkat. almaklum, kaki panjang sgt mwahahahaha...!!! so i'll get both my and mum's bajus on next Friday.

the raya mood hasnt really settled in me yet. as you know, i dont dengar radio. but time nak dekat raya, i usually turn on the radio to catch the raya songs. but that too hasnt sunk in. i havent got the mood to catch on raya songs even. maybe dah tua lah kan...

and one more mission of mine this Ramadhan is not to spend to much on things for Syawal. satu bulan kita melawan nafsu, wasted kan kalao membazir tak tentu arah, just to celebrate raya. orang kata raya setawon skali. but i say RAMADHAN tu setawon skalik. Allah bagik kita satu bulan untuk beribadah lebih. takkan lepas Ramadhan je nak kurangkan pulak ibadah kan? jangan kata lepas Ramadhan, even in the month itself, we are still very weak in spirit to fight off temptations. May Allah keep us in the best of Iman always InsyaAllah.

ok lah folks. i've got to go. will talk more when i get the mood yet again. hahahaha...!!

see ya all!

ilal liqaa'...!!

azan in the middle of banquet

ni bukan criter dongeng eh. ni criter benar. meh sini i story.

as usual, my wednesday routine is almost the same. i will knock off from work and make my way to Bugis as i have my arabic class every wednesday evening. if i can solat, i will do my solat asar at Masjid Sultan 1st, then go to Banquet to eat early dinner. if not, it will be straight to Banquet.

so yesterday, after buying my nasik ayam at Banquet Raffles Hospital, i chose a seat and was halfway through chomping when i heard the azan. clear and crisp, at 6 in the evening. i tot it was someone's handphone giving out the azan as a ringtone or something. but then it continued on. takkan ringtone lama nah?

and being the kepo that i am, i turned around and there i saw, this pakcik standing in front of the Banquet's door, on the staircase beside Spinelli's, with his right hand on his right ear and he was calling out the azan like a pro-muadzin. everyone was looking at him.

done with the azan, he actually started reciting verses from the surahs in the Al-Quran. He started with Al-Baqarah then a while later, he went out, to puff a cigarette (*wide-eyed*), then came back and stood at the same place. then he started again. i think i heard Al-Fatehah, then I heard Ayatul Kursi and donno what else.

seriously speaking, my hair was standing on its ends. ntahlah kenapa, tetiba mcm seram gitu. then i busied myself with my homework and i didnt hear him anymore. i didnt even realise when he made his way out of Banquet.

i always see this pakcik on every Wednesday at the same time. usually he will talk to himself. the 1st time i saw him, i tot he was speaking via a earpiece coz his hand was on his ear. but when he turned left and right, i saw no earpiece in either ear. usually he will be talking about "anak kurang ajar", "anak tak kenang budi", or "mak bapak tak tau ajar anak".

but yesterday was a different topic altogether. when he called out the azan, he really sounded like those muadzins you hear in Singapore masjids, i think he's better. and if he can read out quite a number of verses in the Quran, that shows he knows it quite well.

kesian jugak aku tengok pakcik ni. i've heard of people who goes "gila isim". meaning that dah tersalah bawak pelajaran agama. i think he might be one of those. last time when i was living in Pasir Panjang/Buona Vista, there were quite a number of people who are like these. they are very intelligent, but in a different way that no one understands them anymore.

i remember a man who used to live in the same area in Pasir Panjang. he was a student of some madrasah and then he went to pesantren or something. my mum said he correctly predicted that she will be the only one among her siblings who will marry a man of the same race ie Bangla. and i remember bumping into him in East Coast Park or something. he said that i am a budak susah nak jaga but dah besar nanti dia senangkan mak bapak dia tapi dia ada penyakit. senangkan mak bapak part im not sure, but inshallah, i am always striving towards that. but the penyakit part is true. and at that time, my illness hasnt even surfaced.

and he can spill the beans of your life even if you never tell him anything. kadang2 rahsia kita sumer dia bole bawak kuar, which is scary lah. coz rahsia is supposed to be rahsia what... hehehehe...!!

and usually when he says something, and we mcm percaya tak percaya gitu, he will ask, "percaya ke tak? tak percaya?" and he will knock his head with his palm, the bony area above the wrists. only when we say, "percaya." then he will stop knocking his head. you can actually see his temple and his forehead full of black marks/bruises. it's like he is being cursed with the knowledge of being able to see things beyond human ability.

interesting yet scary hor?

ok lah, i just hope the azan man will not do anything unusual again next week when im enjoying my dinner. kang tak pasal2 dia bersolat kat tengah2 Banquet, lagik lah sumer ternganga tengok dia mwahahahahaha...!!!

ok chows!

ilal liqaa'!

lovely quote...

When I woke up this morning I asked myself: What are some of the secrets of success in life?

I found the answer right there in my very room.

The Fan said - Be cool.

The Roof said - Aim high.

The Window said - See the world.

The Clock said - Every minute is precious.

The Mirror said - Reflect before you act.

The Door said - Push hard for your goals.

And don't forget, the Carpet said - Kneel down and pray.

ilal liqaa'..!!

fear is a factor...

my fb status says: passed by a group of rowdy boys at the backend of Raffles Hospital. They seemed to spot me from far and I had a feeling they wanted to mcm2 with me. Read Ayatul Kursi and I passed by them safely, Alhamdulillah. Im nvr gonna walk there alone ever again. Allah saja yg tau how scared I was.

 

and yes, i was scared shitless. they were freaking reeking of alcohol and cigarettes. so tell me, how not to be scared?

come, i story from abc.

walked to bugis mrt from school alone today. dearest habibati, naqi, didnt attend class today coz she was tied up at work. the other two darlings, syah and nuraini, got fetched by their parents. so tinggallah aku terkontang-kanting jalan sorang2 dari skola ke bugis mrt.

last week, i was alone too. i walked the same way. and there were some other pedestrians with me. so just now, i repeated the stunt of walking on the backend. EPIC WRONG MOVE.

halfway through the route, i saw a group of rowdy boys. they spotted me from afar and they were like arranging themselves to barricade me from walking pass. you know, like making a wall before taking a free kick in a football match. LIKE THAT. SERIOUS. my heart was thumping so hard, i tot i heard it thumped. the thought of doing a u-turn did occur but then i cancelled that coz i was scared they might give chase. i was alone leyyyy... scream oso no use.

then i remembered a story i read. held my right hand over my left chest and read the ayatul kursi. i braved myself and walked towards them. i had this thought i will kick their balls if they decide to mcm2 with me. but there was no need. just as i read the ayatul kursi, they kinda laughed around and split themselves into two groups as i walked pass them. they were on my left and right. i walked with my head high up, act brani lah. padahal, padahal... and everything so was blurry i didnt even hear what they were saying to me.

alhamdulillah, nothing happened. i nearly stood rooted when i passed by them safely. yes, i repeat, i was scared. the only thought was to get pass by them. syukur alhamdulillah...

only in the mrt, i had this urge to cry but no lah, i where got crybaby one. i busied myself with Facebook. and voila, i reached Pioneer liao.

and oh, the story that i remembered? i donno. i remember reading this story. about a man who used to rob and rape girls who walked on a lonely road. but one day, a muslimah passed that road, but he didnt do anything to the muslimah. the next day he was caught, and the muslimah saw him on the papers and recognised him. she went to the police station to testify that the man didnt do anything to her the night before. the man said, usually he does. and the night before, he did have the evil intention to do harm to the woman, but he saw two big men/being walking on the muslimah's right and left. he didnt dare to do anything.

the woman was shocked. she said, "but, i was walking alone but i was reciting the ayatul kursi." upon asking around the religious teachers, she was told that maybe becoz she was reading the ayatul kursi, the malaikats must be protecting her from harm as summoned by Allah Almighty. coz we all know Ayatul Kursi is ayat pendinding for the believers.

with this believe, i took the gamble and did what i did. and another factor that made me really confident was because, although i am not able to do my solat, i still had my wudhu'. my ustazah always reminds us to be in wudhu' state all the time. it protects us from all the unwanted things.

 

alhamdulillah, i came home safely. told the mum, and i promised her i will never walk that alley alone again.

and the image of them barricading themselves is still playing in my mind. gah!

it's ok lah. i will sleep it off. thank You Ya Allah. thank You.

ilal liqaa'...!