Pakistani? Nah, Im something else actually...

Chanced upon this post in my Multiply account and didn't want to lose it. Hehehe... So here goes, the copied version.

Ok as my title goes, some of you have already known that in my IC, my race is specified as Pakistani.

But as I grew up and got wiser, hehehe, I found out from the dad that actually our lineage came from Bangladesh. Both my paternal and maternal grand-dads were Banglas. Mula2 macam tak percaya gitu… Yelah, sapa nak mengaku diri ni Bangla mwahahaha…!!! But I was interested to know more.

So the story goes. India and Pakistan were one big country. They separated and Pakistan became an independent country in 1947. And Pakistan consisted of two geographically separate regions, West Pakistan – where Urdu is their main language and East Pakistan – where Bengali was their main language. Both my grand-dads were from East Pakistan and they spoke Bengali, the same language spoken by our foreign Bangla workers.

West Pakistan and East Pakistan separated in 1971. West Pakistan became Pakistan and East Pakistan became Bangladesh. So when I was born, the country my grand-dads came from was already called Bangladesh. But true, during those times, people don’t hear about Bangladesh much. Since the ICs of my mum and dad still bear the race Pakistani, me and my sisters had to follow suit.

I never met my grand-dads, it would have been a great thing if they are alive now. I would have gotten a lot of stories from them. I love history by the way. But from what little stories I got from both my grand-mums, its confirmed that the grand-dads came from Bangladesh and they spoke Bengali. In fact, my paternal grand-ma – who is a Singaporean Malay-Chinese mixed – even lived in Bangladesh for a few years. And my dad was born there.

Sidenote: Bengali is not Sikh by the way. We always have this misconception that Bengali are Sikhs. Nope, Bengali are Bengalis and they speak Bengali and Sikhs are Sikhs and they speak Punjabi.


Now knowing I have roots in Bangladesh, how wonderful would it have been if both my grand-dads were alive. That means I have relatives in Bangladesh. My grand-dads sure had siblings. And the siblings sure had children. And the children sure had their own children. Means I might have uncles and aunties, cuzzins, nieces and nephews or who knows, even grandchildren hehehe…!! My mum told me before that she was nearly married off to one of her second-cuzzins in Bangladesh! Hehehe...!!!

Its such a pity, I have nowhere to start from. If there is a little hope of me finding relatives in Bangladesh, I would have done it. Maybe go through the net (although Im quite sure its very hard, coz Bangladesh is still a developing country). Or even when I get in touch with a relative there, who knows, I might just go over and meet them hehehe…!!!

But language will be a problem. I speak Hindi coz like I said, I grew up thinking Im Pakistani. So I was more interested in learning and speaking Hindi coz Urdu and Hindi are similar in a lot of ways.. And my maternal grand-ma race is specified as Hindi in her IC. Kalao lah aku tahu Im Bangladeshi right from young, I might have just learnt Bengali hehehe…!!

So, there’s very little chance that I might get in touch with relatives over there. How wonderful would it be if a miracle happened and just by the touch of destiny (and Allah’s will), I might just fulfil this dream of mine – of meeting relatives in Bangladesh.
*still hoping*

And yes, you all can call me a Bangla coz I am one mwahahahahaha…!!!

sneak peak...

for you peeps... Coming up real soon. Hope to be a real tearjerker of a novel... ;)

Nurul Ayuni.  Ada sesuatu dibalik renungan matanya. Kesedihan, kelayuan, kemuraman, kekurangan. Dipandang sekilas mungkin tidak kelihatan. Disembunyikkan segalanya dengan senyumannya. Dihijabkan segalanya dengan keikhlasannya. Ditutupkan segalanya dengan kebaikkannya. Itu membuat Ayuni sungguh sempurna.

Ahmad Rizal. Kehilangan arah. Mencari-cari jalan pulang. Menggapai sesuatu yang rapuh, namun gagal berkali-kali. Datang Ayuni dengan keikhlasannya, senyumannya, kebaikkannya. Dan dimata Rizal, Ayuni sempurna.

Ayuni, Rizal tidak minta apa-apa. Hanya satu, biarlah tangan Ayuni yang memimpin Rizal menuju ke jalan pulang. Rizal, Ayuni tidak meminta apa-apa. Hanya satu, biarlah dimata Rizal, Ayuni sempurna.

3/4 of it is ready. Searching for an ending now. Hope the 'ilham' comes real fast. Hee...!!

best day ever...

Tak kisah lah.

Korang nak meluat ke, nak muntah ke, nak cekik aku ke, pasal aku over sangat...

Ada aku kisah...?

Yang penting, Adi Putra kotakan janji dia, when he says he will follow his fans who follow him... He followed me starting today 19-1-2012. Even if he doesn't read my twits, yang penting, this notification is already on my profile.

Korang ada?

Hehehehe...!!!

Ilal liqaa'...!!

the heart melted today...

in quite a severe way, I would say.

all these years, while working with babies who were born with the same abnormility that I was born with, had made me immuned to the cries, the screams and the struggles whenever a drip is to be inserted into the little tiny hands or legs. i was always made the foster mother, the one who will carry the babies into the operation theatre, as the babies are quite silent when i carry them in. i dont know, maybe the emotional bonding. and also, the parents feel a bit secured seeing me there, carrrying their little souls and assuring them that i am there for the babies.

my arms will usually be the solace the babies could have when they are going through the painful experience of maybe having the gas over them or the needle into them. and all these years, i've managed to build a wall around my emotions so as not to cry or feel sorry for the baby at the crucial moment of incubating.

today a baby came in. i saw the parents and they were happy to see me. carried the baby in and assured the parents that all is going to be well. baby was sleeping all the way to the operation theatre. then she opened up her big eyes, and suddenly i got reminded of the nephew. same eyes, only different colour. and then the occasional smile... ah... lovely...

then the needle was inserted. baby cried, a harrowing cry. and suddenly, there was this huge urge in me to burst into tears also. there i was, trying to calm the baby down and at the same time, trying to keep my emotions in check. it was a DIFFICULT moment. i was only thinking about the nephew. same age, same hair, same eyes. not that i was hoping the nephew to go through such a thing, naudzubillah, but it was all that was running in the mind.

lucky thing baby slept fast enough. i had to walk out of the theatre for a while to calm my nerves. i guess having a baby in the house, just reignited the motherly instincts. it felt exactly like it felt 13 years ago when i first saw a baby being brought into the operation theatre.

the wall had crumble. i need to build up a new wall. i need to convince the heart and mind that this is work. this is what will make the babies lead a more beautiful life. i need to start being strong back again.

haisshhhh... dah lembut hati aku ni... baby nangis, aku pun nak nangis. hehehe...!!

ilal liqaa'...!!

i wanna spread my wings and fly...

and i think it's about time.

6 years ago, an opportunity was laid in front of me, like a bonus, like a 'durian runtuh' which I had to reluctantly say no to. it was the hardest no ever. on one end was loyalty, on one end was familiarity. i stuck to loyalty. and was hoping i wouldnt have to serve loyalty for long. but i did. for 13 years and counting.

it was a difficult 13 years. had to go through lots of pain, lots of tears, lots of headache, because i simply had no one to turn to. i had to answer everything alone. it was initially so difficult, i would be practically crying every day. the pillar of strength was gone. there was no one to hug me and say it's ok. and i was so missing the hug that i felt like a lovelorn Juliet.

soon, tough became me and i became tougher. i learnt to survive. i learnt how to accept words into my right ear and let them go out through my left and never let them get stucked in my heart. i think that made me a strong person. and i learnt it the hard way. and im glad.

i wouldnt regret these 13 years. because without these 13 years, i wouldnt be what i am today. i wouldnt have learnt so many things with the little paper qualifications that i'm holding. and i wouldnt have gained all the experiences that i've enjoyed. if these 13 years have been tough, then, in the future, nothing is tough for me InshaAllah...

now im ready to spread my wings and fly. Allah has arranged this whole transition so well. Everything seems to be falling into place. and I hope that this will be an exciting new chapter in my life, InshaAllah.

of course there'll be differences. of course there'll be personal adjustments. but nothing is without changes. changes have to be made to achieve a better tomorrow. and i will thread the road happily and gleefully, hand in hand, along with the pillars of strength. words just cant describe how i've longed for this change. and finally, it comes as a beautifully arranged story-line and i hope for a happily ever after ending.

thank you Allah. for giving me this phase in life. i make du'a that this is a smooth transition for me. and may everything be nice and dandy and finally i will finally feel that im settled in to the place i always wanted to belong in. InshaAllah...

Alhamdulillah.

Ilal Liqaa'...!