Strongly opinionated
Degil
These are words that you can never take away from me. I've been like this since I was a kid. Maybe so, because I am the eldest offspring. So I'm usually left to make my own decisions. I have to answer my actions. And I do the covering up jobs for lots of people.
Maybe all these things have shaped me the way I am and that explains the three words you see up there.
And I am also involved in a lot of things. It's like if I'm not there, the rest will not continue on with certain plans. I get this sentence always, "alarh, yun takde... tak payah buat lah..." or maybe, I can be a huge clown who will make everyone happy just by being there. I take that as a compliment, thank you.
I have been very close to my relatives, be it the paternal side or the maternal side. Recently we had a discussion of having an event which we do always every year. Last year, they tried asking me whether I would allow them to do "something". That "something" is really something that I don't like. Me, being me, set an ultimatum. It's either they want that "something" to be carried out or I will not be part of it. Choose. They chose me.
I know that's very bad of me. But like I said, that's me. My personality. You take it or you leave it.
While discussing this event again recently, they decided to try asking me the same question. "yun boleh lah, kita buat benda tuh tawon ni. manalah tau ni tahun last kita buat benda ni." I pulled a deep breath and say, "ok, go ahead." And they had to add, "you'll be part of it right?" I said, "yeah, I will be part of it, don't worry."
after that it was all smiles and sighs of reliefes were heard. They were happy I've given them the green light. Then I realised, eh, I have that effect on people meh? Is that respect or fear? I don't think I'm that strong-headed and kepala angin till I give out fear signals, do i?
but then, yes, i know i have that effect on people. i have such a strong personality that people kind of feel afraid to voice out their concerns whenever they are with me. they have been asking my mum for three years in a row, and mum's answer is always, tanya yun dulu. and by then, they would have expected, i would say no.
so when i said yes, they were very happy. they were actually taken aback that i have agreed to agree with them and decided to join them too. they even said, "senang hati kita, yun dah kata boleh. takot jugak kalao2 yun naik angin tak nak join kita ke hapa ke. yun kalao takde, susah lah kita nak buat benda ni. baguslah dah lembut hati yun."
it actually made me feel really bad. really. i didnt realised how opinionated i was till this episode. where did i get such a bull-headed personality, i don't know. im not sorry for being who i am. im just happy i made other people happy.
or maybe, it's just because i've grown older. the heart has melted a lot. bitterness and all, i wanna chuck them aside. orang buat kita, biar, tu antara tuhan ngan dia. jangan kita buat orang. nanti yang kene jawab, kita sendiri, betol tak?
ah, all happy and smiles. i have no guilty pangs in my heart now. we will proceed and go ahead with plans. whatever will be will be. Inshallah, the event will be a successful one and hope it will mend back ties that have been long broken, Inshallah.
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