i went to meet my granny today. didn't have the time to visit her for a long while now. kinda missing her already. we bought a few foodstuff items for her and drove over.
she was so happy when she saw us. when we came in, she was sitting on the couch watching tv. when mum said her salams, granny replied the salams and said, "hello sayang...!" that was kinda heartwrenching. coz granny is not really someone who shows her affections like that. and i went over to salam, hug and kiss her, i asked her, "granny, kenal tak ni sapa?" Granny is getting quite forgetful already so i tried playing this trick on her. And she looked at me, "kenal lah, cucu lah..." Hahahaha... Ok sorry granny, i was just having a mischievious day. Spent like an hour talking with granny.
Granny is very frail now. She is 74. But Alhamdulillah, she does not have any chronic illness. Only the usual sakit here sakit there, you know, old people sakit. After a while, we went home, promising granny we will take her home one of the weekends to spend the time with us, Inshallah. It has been a long time since we did that. Yeah, guilty as charged.
Went home feeling really humbled. Granny is 74. Nenek is 86, maybe. They are blessed with a long life Alhamdulillah. I am 32. Will I see myself reaching that age bracket? What will I be if I do reach that age? What kind of a person will I be at that age?
See. I always do soul-searching. Yes, I get drifted away a lot times. And a lot, means, A LOT. Whenever I wanna start throwing away things in my life that makes me drift away, these things do come back haunting me and making me err again. But then again, as they say, it's human to err. But to err over and over again? Doesnt that make me a really weak person?
Then, there's always this saying at the back of my mind. Hey, you are only 32. Yes, I know Im 32. But does that guarantee a long life ahead? Things change in a blink of an eye. Today Im healthy Alhamdulillah, but what if tomorrow Allah decides that my time is up? What is there to show Allah of my life in this dunya? Will I be able to handle the responsibility of all my actions while I was still living and answer for them? Will I be able to?
Have I done enough to make my parents happy?
Have I done enough amalans as a Muslim?
Have I religiously done all my salats?
Have I fasted earnestly?
Have I stayed away from the wrongdoings?
Have I given alms enough to benefit the poor and sick?
Have I spent my money on a lot of Haram things?
Have I always been amanah in doing all the things that I was asked of?
Is Allah satisfied of all my deeds in this life?
and there are a lot more questions...
Don't ask me why am I feeling like this today... I seriously dont know. I must have dreamt abt something yesterday but now I dont remember what. But that sets me thinking when I woke up this morning. The question that was playing in my mind was and is, "What if I die tomorrow?"
It's a scary thought. Im just saying that life so far is not complete. No. Life is only completed when death arrives. But then, when death arrives, am I prepared?
Im just doing a random post. Im blogging this as a reminder to myself. Today, something ticked in my heart so I decided to blog abt it, so that if I do stray again, I will be reminded when I see this blog. Im a forgetful person. I forget easily. And I hope Allah is always there for me to pull me back again if I decide to be lazy and stray. There is always this saying, "If Allah doesn't test you, He is not looking at you anymore." Naudzubillah, we don't want that, do we? Allahu Akbar. May Allah keeps us in the best of our Iman, Inshallah.
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